


The Femur Show

by Anewfreind



Category: Deltarune (Video Game), Undertale (Video Game)
Genre: Additional Tags to Be Added, F/F, F/M, Jimmy Fallon Inspired, Late Night show, M/M, Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 1, Multi, Music, Swearing, also inspired by my dude birdsarebloominf on tumblr
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-22
Updated: 2018-12-22
Packaged: 2019-09-24 13:44:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,980
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17101700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Anewfreind/pseuds/Anewfreind
Summary: Sans and Papyrus have a popular late night show! Not angst, no plot, just drabbles. Join them for an episode!(Was inspired by https://birdsareblooming.tumblr.com/ and their funny headcannons!)





	The Femur Show

“WELCOME TO, THE FEMUR SHOW!” The announcer shouts, “ON TODAY'S SHOW, WE HAVE GUESTS ALPHYS, THE ACCLAIMED ROYAL SCIENTIST, AND HER GIRLFRIEND, UNDYNE, EX-CAPTAIN OF THE ROYAL GUARD!” Claps roar from the audience. “AND A GUEST SINGER, METTATON, SINGING HIS NEW HIT SINGLE:  _ HARD DRIVE! _ ” The audience roars with cheers at the mention of MTT’s name. “NOW, OUR HOSTS, SANS AND PAPYRUS!” Screams erupt from the crowd as the skeleton brothers appeared on stage.

 

“WHAT UP! I’M PAPYRUS, I’M 23, AND I NEVER FUCKING LEARNED HOW TO READ.” Papyrus yells, earning laughs from the crowd. 

 

“yo it’s me ya boi, sans, what’s good famalam.” More chuckles from the audience.

 

NEVER SAY THAT AGAIN SANS!” Papyrus shutters, he is  _ not  _ a fan of 90’s lingo.

 

Sans puts is hands on his hips in mock anger, “well you always have a funny intro.” He snarks at his brother.

 

Papyrus smirkes, realizing he had the perfect opportunity to strike, “WELL YES, OF COURSE, THAT IS BECAUSE I AM ACTUALLY FUNNY.” 

 

_ Oohs  _ came from the crowd as Sans falls to the floor in despair. “oh no, right in the heart, i've been betrayed by my own brother,  _ avenge meeeeeeee!”  _ Sans then lays limp on the ground like road kill.

 

“Oh sweet stars above.” Papyrus mutters to himself, “GOD DAMMIT SANS, YOU DON'T HAVE A HEART REMEMBER? YOUR A  _ SKELETON. _ ” Paps nudges him gently with his foot, “GET UP YOU FATASS.” He groans.

 

“i don't have an ass.” Sans points out, much to the amusement of the crowd.

 

“NOR DO YOU HAVE A BRAIN APPARENTLY, NOW GET UP!” Papyrus nudges him harder.

 

Sans smiles but no one can see it since his head is to the floor, “too lazy, can’t move.”

 

Papyrus groans in annoyance, “FINE.” Paps reaches down and picks his brother up, holding him under his arm like a football. The crowd  _ awwws _ . “YES YES, I KNOW, MY BROTHER IS ADORABLE,TRUST ME, I LIVE WITH HIM.” He pats Sans on the head. 

 

Small  _ Zzzs  _ begin to float over Sans head, signifying that he has fallen asleep.  _ Awwws _ run throughout the crowd, but Papyrus just sighs, “UGH, HE ALWAYS FALLS ASLEEP IN MY ARMS, LAZYBONES.” He reaches for Sans pockets, finds exactly what he was looking for. Sans airhorn. “WATCH THIS!” He smiles as he puts the nozzle of the horn next to where the ear would be on the skull, and presses down. 5 seconds of blaring air horn, and Sans doesn’t even move. “SEE? HE CAN SLEEP THROUGH ANYTHING, BUT I KNOW HOW TO WAKE HIM UP!” Papyrus sighs, and takes a deep breath, “MAN, I REALLY WANT TO HEAR A SKELETON PUN!” He shouts louder than normal.

 

Sans sits up, and groggily speaks, “want a  _ humerus  _ one?” The crowd laughs and cheers at the awakening of the short skeleton, “alright alright, anyway, we’ll be back after a commercial break with undyne and alphys, so don't go away.”

  
  


The commercials were pretty standard, a  _ Royal Tea _ ad, a  _ Mew Mew Kissy Cutie 3  _ trailer, and the 15 obligatory  _ MTT Brand Product  _ commercials that seemed to be necessary at this point, all featuring the one and only Mettaton in his various forms. As the program fades in once more, the audience cheers as upbeat electro music plays in the background. When the music finally fades away with the applause, Papyrus begins to speak.

 

“WELCOME BACK! THANKS FOR STICKING AROUND. NOW, I HAVE THE PLEASURE TO INTRODUCE TONIGHT'S GUESTS, MY FRIENDS, UNDYNE AND ALPHYS!” The audience gives a standing ovation, it's not the first time the couple has been on the show, quite the opposite really. In fact, most fans lost count of how many times they have been on, not even Papyrus remembers at this point.

 

“Hey nerds!” Undyne waves to the camera, then suplexes Papyrus. Don’t worry. This is normal.

 

“U-umm, U-Undyne sweetheart… I-I think t-thats the wrong camera.” Alphys stutters. It was a rare occasion that she talked in show, normally leaving the talking to her stronger, extroverted girlfriend.

 

“Oh, your right, man Babe, your so smart.” Undyne puts Papyrus down, kissing her scaly girlfriend on the nose. Alphys was to busy stuttering to speak so she just followed her girlfriend as Papyrus led them to there couches.

 

“SOOOO.” Papyrus puts a hand on his chin, “HE HAVE TWO CHOICES, ANSWERING STUPID ASS QUESTIONS FROM THE UNDERNET, OR HUMAN HISTORY?

 

“undernet, i'm too lazy to tell a story.” Sans puts his feet on the desk.

 

“Your always too lazy to do anything you dork.” Undyne laughs.

 

Sans shrugs, sinking into his chair, “ya know me, i'm just, bone tired.” Sans grins as Papyrus slaps him over the head with a book.

 

“FINE THEN, UNDERNET QUESTIONS IT IS, NOW, FOR YOU GREMLINS WATCHING AT HOME, TWEET YOUR DUMB QUESTIONS TO @ _ imhumerous _ AND  _ @COOLSKELETON95 _ , WITH THE HASHTAG  _ #QnAwiththeskelebros!  _ LET'S DO THIS!” Papyrus smiles at the camera. Within seconds, the Undernet floods with questions, all the askers hopeful that theirs will be chosen.

 

Undyne pulls out her phone and begins to scroll through questions.

 

”K. Got one, ” Undyne clears her throat, “Ok, this is for Paps, the question is:  _ How many bones are in my body? _ ” 

 

Papyrus’ grin widens, “WELL IF YOUR THE AVERAGE HUMAN, THEN YOU HAVE 206 BONES, BUT I COULD MAKE IT ONE MORE.”  _ Ooooohs _ came from the crowd as Undyne fell to the floor laughing.

 

“O-oh my god, y-you didn’t just  _ wheeze _ just s-say that.” Undyne choked out through her laughter.

 

“YES, YES I DID, NOW, NEXT QUESTION.” Papyrus clapped his hands in excitement.

 

“alright alright, my turn,” Sans snatches the phone from Undyne’s hands.

 

“Wha? HEY!” Undyne attempts to snatch back her phone, but Sans pushes her hand away.

 

Sans ‘ _ tsks’  _ at her sad attempts, and begins to scroll. “no… no… no… hmm… oh! ok, this is for alphys.”

 

Alphys begins to sweat, letting out a high pitch laugh. ”M-m-m-me? N-no, there must be a m-mistake.” Alphys plays with her hands.

 

“no mistake here alph, it's for you, ya wanna answer it?” Alphys looked to her girlfriend, who smiled reassuringly.

She cleared her throat and nodded at Sans.

 

“coolio, the question is: are your thoughts on mew mew kissy cutie 2?” Sans smiles. He knew this was the perfect subject to get Alphys speaking.

 

Alphys’s face lights up as a wave of confidence washes over her. “Mew Mew 1 had a lot of charm in it, with memorable characters and some unique set pieces to boot even though Mew Mew is basically absorbing the spotlight. It has a mix of "Slice-of-Life" and action adventure that actually works, which is a great breath of fresh air for most anime fans. There are some odd choices in the story like Mew Mew’s powers, but I Think that the story does what it was supposed to in a quirky and heartwarming way. Its message of tolerance will also make the younger audiences value their life more, one way or another.   
  
Mew Mew 2, on the other hand, was nothing special. Granted, it was expected for a sequel to be less special than the predecessor, but oh my god is it bland! The supporting casts are so washed out and stereotypical, it's like they don't even exist. The only character that is fleshed out is Mew Mew herself. And that's the problem. While in the first MMKC this same problem exists, at least the supporters are there for a better reason than just being there! Here, they're like puppets that seems to help Mew Mew EVERY TIME. No, there is no conflicts AT ALL between the group of friends! I know the  _ powers  _ part was weird, but at least it gave the characters some life! Here, it doesn't matter if Mew Mew killed a man, because NO ONE scolded her for it! It was just for a small gag, nothing more. They could've put more message in it, but instead it's comedy as deep as a fart joke. I know that "tolerance" is the main message of the series, but i'm pretty sure that causing numerous people to get PTSD needs at least some scolding.   
  
Now, the animation style. It looks rushed. I know that the first one wasn't picasso, but it was excusable, since they had a fairly limited staff and little trust from sponsors. Here, it's crap! I mean, the colors of Mew Mew's hair is shinier! Yeah, and leave everything else dull like sandpaper! This Mew Mew centre of attention theme is pretty horrible if you ask me. I mean, it's fine in the first MMKC, but here, it's like everything else is lifeless!   
  
Now, my final verdict is that MMKC 2 is a huge letdown from the first one.   
Let's just hope that they do better with MMKC 3. Since Spooky and Charlie Sheen are confirmed to be the supporting characters, maybe Mew Mew won't hog the spotlight as much? I don't know. Only time will tell on this…” Alphys trails off at the realization of her rambling. Her face turns red, and she hides her face in Undyne's arms.

 

“WELL THAT WAS… A THING.” The audience claps at Alphys rant, so she looks up and smiles weakly.

 

Undyne kisses her girlfriend as cheers erupt from the crowd, “I knew ya had it in ya babe!” She smiles. Alphys hides back in her arms.

 

“OK! MY TURN!” Papyrus grabs the phone from Sans hands and quickly finds a question. “OOOO, I LIKE THIS ONE! IT IS FOR SANS AND I, OK, THE QUESTION IS: WHAT WILL BREAK THE INTERNET?” 

 

Sans looks like he’s thinking, and Papyrus pipes up, “WELL I THINK IT WILL BE ALL YOU LOVELY PEOPLE SENDING IN QUESTIONS!” He beams, “REALLY, YOUR ALL THE BEST!” 

 

“yeah yeah, y’all are cool or whateva’” he waves off his brother, “but ya know what will break the internet?” He sits up, smiling at the camera. “Pictures of my giant coak.”

 

“SANS WHAT THE FUCK?!” Papyrus yells, shaking his brother. Undyne and Alphys are speechless, and just stare with wide eyes.

 

“wanna see a photo?” Sans grin widens.

 

“ABSOLUTELY NOT! WHAT THE FUCK!?”

Sans reaches in his pocket, and grabs a folded piece of paper, which Papyrus attempts to grab from his hands, but Sans dodges. He unfolds the paper and flips it to the camera.

 

“my giant coak.” His grin takes up half of his face as he points to the rooster on the paper. Undyne falls to the floor laughing, while Alphys tries her hardest to contain her giggles. The audience is in uproar at the joke, but the best reaction was Papyruses.

 

He turns to the camera, and deadpans, “WANNA SEE A REAL COAK?” Gasps are heard throughout the audience as everyone becomes silent. Undyne and Alphys quietly whispering to each other.

 

“b-bro, no!” Sans stammers.

 

“YOU HAVE GIVEN ME NO CHOICE BROTHER.” And with that, Papyrus pulls his pants down.

 

The audience gasps, along with the monsters on stage. The camera zooms in, and that's when they see it. A yellow sticky note taped to the front of his pelvis, with a small chicken drawing on it. Sans begins to laugh, and laugh, and laugh. His own joke, used against him. He was so proud. So. Proud. His bro. Making a joke like that. Sans actually begins to tear up through the laughter of the audience.

 

“WELL ANYWAYS.” Papyrus pulls his pants up again, “WE ARE COMING TO THE END TO TONIGHT'S SHOW, HOPE YOU ALL ENJOYED, AND THANKS TO OUR GUESTS, AND FRIENDS, UNDYNE AND ALPHYS.” The crowd gives a standing ovation for the couple as they wave and walk off stage.

 

“be sure to catch us tomorrow night with a new episode, with new jokes, and new guests, see you all later.” Sans and Papyrus wave as the camera pans out over set, and the closing music,  _ It's Raining Somewhere Else  _ fades in.

**Author's Note:**

> Hey, so this was a quick practice i did based off of  
> [this post](%E2%80%9Cbirdsareblooming.tumblr.com/post/https://181273560613/while-taking-a-shit-i-had-the-idea-of-sans-and%E2%80%9D) and stuff, so yeah. Should I continue this? Idk, heres my tumblr tho:
> 
> https://anewfreind.tumblr.com


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